Sweeping into a real deep Depression, even if its over a stupid guy...

I thought I was over getting all worked up over men. Especially after I left the last one alone. Apparently it wasn't just the last one, it's either all guys that work me up...or maybe it is just me. I'm fairly certain it's me. A little over a week ago, I met a guy online(yes, online) at the dating site I'm on and he seemed damn near perfect for me. He initiated the contact after he saw I was caring for my Grandmother, he too, was caring for members of his family and liked that I was family oriented. So we met and connected well. We had great conversation and great sex(that's important too) we shared common goals and morals. There seemed to be only one drawback, he worked, a lot. So we kept in contact nearly everyday by text message. We laughed and flirted and talked all the time and so it seemed to go very well. Time went by and I started to get antsy and wanted to see him again. His days off were Thursday and Friday. Thursday, he had to work but we were supposed to see each other Friday. So We talked Friday in the afternoon and the last thing he said was, in response to me saying "Will you be able to see me?" "Def. I'm gonna take a nap and I'll see you later" that was the last I heard from him that day. I called around, I think five or six, thinking he'd gotten enough sleep. It rang a couple times, sounded like it picked up and then hung up. So I tried back and it rang a couple times then was sent to voicemail. So I left it alone and went about doing other stuff, thought nothing of it. A couple hours later I sent him a text and got no response, went back about thirty minutes later and called him it rang about four times and was sent to voicemail again. Still thought nothing of it and got on the internet. Then about nine p.m. I called again and it rang once and was sent to voicemail. I started to get suspicious by then especially when it had rang more than once earlier before getting sent to voicemail. But still, I tried to remain openminded because I knew some people (like me) could hit the ignore button or end button in their sleep and automatically send someone to voicemail without waking up. Well I tried one more time at ten p.m. and it rang twice then went to voicemail. I stopped trying after that. The next day he said he'd slept all day and went to work that night but I didn't get it, I mean if he went to work wouldn't he have answered my texts or called me? I mean the last voicemail AND text I left said I was pulling an all nighter so he could call or text me at anytime and he never did til the next day! But he swore that was all that happened. But that day I logged on to the dating site I met him on it said he'd logged on right after he'd texted me to say he was going to nap! I let it go, but then today I logged on to answer the messages I'd not answered that day(yeah I'll admit that day I was checking up on him but by that time it was nine p.m. and I was suspicious) and so I thought I'd check up on him(yeah I was still suspicious) and it'd said he had logged on this morning right after he'd supposedly just gotten off work...okay so I confront him with it. I said I don't know if I even had the right to be angry, I didn't know what to feel. Now he just(we're in the middle of the argument) acted like psychology says a classically guilty person does, acts overly defensive. But I can't say he is exactly because when I am confronted I get overly defensive and he is a lot like me... but the frustrating thing is when I first told him about this he was busy and took time to answer and I tried to turn to my friends, they all said they were going to bed or...said sorry Just got you're message and I have to go hope all is well talk to you later! (All I said was 'Can you talk?'). And even though I've stayed calm and tried to make him see he just "LMAO" and called me a high schooler. Well stay tuned, hopefully my next blog will have something happier.

Anxiety, Depression and Apathy...And what about those TEABAGGERS??

It seems that lately I have been struggling more with apathy, anxiety and depression. Apathy to do anything of really substance in my life at the moment, Anxiety about where I am going and what will become of me if I finally manage to accomplish my dream, and depression...well depression just seems to follow the other two. I am hoping that I will conquer these feelings today and end up making something of my book.
For those of you who don't know, I am writing a book. I've been working on it since last year and it seems that this third draft is the one that is going to work. I have an ear to lay most of my work on by the Published Horror writer that has taken an interest in my work. Lately I have only heard praise from him, which troubles me but I did get a lot of constructive advice from him in the beginning to really help me shape my story.
Right now I am really in a tangle with my writing, wanting to keep all the original chapters in the book but having to incorporate new chapters as my book wasn't long enough. This having to write new chapters has forced me to take my book to another direction and ended up creating tangles of twisted plots and mini plots. So now I think I am going to have to pretty much scrap the original plot and redesign the story to fit my new path of thought. I am hoping to get to working on what is now the sixth chapter in my book today. I don't know right now though because I feel the ebbs and flows of depression and anxiety wearing on me. Maybe I just need more caffeine.

Now onto my politics rant for the day, TEABAGGERS. It confuses me as someone commented on one of my other journals that both sides will seek to tax and cut to their overall party. Neither is different from the other in that they have certain departments and income levels they tax and spend the most money for. But that is for another blog altogether. As I've noticed lately there is a growing group of people who are against the taxes that have been helping to stimulate the economy and help the lower classes gain an edge. It seems unfair that those who have the money are too stingy to help those who do not have money, to grow. I admit that the teabaggers strike is neat and cool, especially since we're seeing a revolt akin to the real Tea throwing party of 1700's. The sad thing is, is that in most democratic societies the rich believe it is their DUTY to support growth programs that stimulate help for the under privileged. Here though I see the upper middle class, mortgaged, debted on credit to the max, and have not thought forward to the paying back of those debts. Now they're complaining because they have those things that they decided not to pay cash for, have the ability to pay the debts they've racked up and still manage their finances, but yet they don't want to help those that NEED money the most!
It reminds me of a puzzle I once read long ago.

What do rich people need,
that the poor have tons of?
-NOTHING!!
I don't know I haven't been following the politics movement as much as I did when the Presidential race was on and in the first month of Obama's reign.
As always I look forward to opinions and comments from all sides of the debate as I feel this is the only way to show the entire picture of this seemingly hot topic!