Listening to the "Early News" On Good Morning America

Okay so yesterday I hit a manic wave, around 4:oo p.m. is that exact? No, but I keep quite the watchful eye on my highs and lows and I did notice my hyperactiveness come creeping around the late afternoon yesterday. I kept a tight reign on it, now it wasn't the bad manic, where I lept up into irratibility or even worse extreme anger, I mean I stayed in happy land but later on when I took my sleeping pills, one of the strongest combinations allowed to be prescribed I might add, it didn't even knock me out. I mean I took them at 9:00p.m. yes, just about on the dot, and the next time I glanced up from my computer it was a little after 4:00 a.m. and I didn't even feel a yawn coming on!! So I just stayed up all night. Worst case scenario, I fall asleep early and mess up my sleep schedule, which just means I'll have to re-regulate it the next day, no biggie. The best case scenario is that I cut my mania off at the head and I'll be relaxed all day. BUT THIS IS NOT THE REASON FOR MY BLOG TODAY!!!
Since I am up early, and I stay in the den to do my computer work(best wi-fi connection in the house) I am lucky enough to witness my grandmothers morning t.v. ritual. Which starts with Good Morning America. And to me it's largely a morning talk show, but today they tried their hand at politics, I wasn't really paying attention, I had chosen to spend my sleepless night creating art and catching up on my writing(BTW- I am writing a book, little shameless plug if you want to read it check me out at www.writerscafe.org/writers/psyche it's under 'Diary of a Psychopath-Isabelle's Story' Installments 1-5) anyways I was only half listening and I heard this dumbshit say, "Well big spending doesn't work. It didn't work for Bush(wha? Him Spending big from the Government Funds for the Public??? Maybe to the Wealthy for the Hopeful Republicans Famous "Trickle Down Effect"!!) and It didn't work for Roosevelt(Umm, yeah...actually it did, He was the one President that Big Spending did work for. And if you don't believe me...just look it up, www.ask.com). So why should it work for the President now? You know what we should do? Nothing! That's right, it'll get better over time. We should just Do Nothing!" WHOA! DID THAT JACKASS SAY THAT TO FIX OUR PLUMMETING ECONOMY THAT WE SHOULD JUST DO NOTHING??? Well that would work for a cut, but for a GASH THAT's GUSHING BLOOD??? Well dummy, I don't think that nothing will fix it, over time! In fact, I think that DOING NOTHING will just make it WORSE!!! It's like the OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE SHOULD DO. AND BESIDES MORON, President Obama is not suggesting JUST BIG SPENDING, in fact he's not suggesting BIG SPENDING AT ALL!!! He's suggesting spending to boost the economy, but he's suggesting SMART SPENDING, perking up certain areas of the economy, NOT TO DO THE "TRICKLE DOWN EFFECT" but to give the most important industries a chance to regroup, recoup, and actually flourish so that they can grow, hire, and get back in the black again! That in turn will help the companies that depend on THEM to get back in the black and to be able to grow and hire on which will cause a "WEBBING EFFECT" instead of the money "trickling down" from the rich, as they spend, to the poor; which NEVER happens. The Companies instead will span out and grow, reaching out to other companies causing a, well a sideways effect, like I said, a webbing effect, and (in theory, I didn't major in business after all, I majored in psych.) eventually with certain public programs to help as well, and other plans and bonuses that Obama's mentioned but I am just too tired from lack of sleep to remember but trust in our young and inventful president to put into place(you always hope for the best, especially with such a revolutionary person in office, not talking about race people, talking about youth, ideas, and vitality. Talking about change, the wind is blowing can you feel the sails billowing?) the change needed to pull us out of recession and into the direction for the next phase of our Country's sentience!

What happens when you don't take your medicine...

So things had been going along smoothly enough til I had gone to renew my meds. I had never been one to deny myself my medication. Being a psychologist I knew the importance of staying on a schedule and taking my medication. But after seeing my psychiatrist just three weeks ago and having him write a script on only two of my meds. I found I needed about four more of them re-upped. So I made a call into my pharmacy, usually it's no big deal but this time it seemed to be because they told me I had already had those particular medications refilled just the week prior. So I asked them to put a call into my doctor to have those medications re-prescribed because that was just about the only way I was going to get the medications. Since I had not had those meds. refilled the week prior. Well they put the call in and the doctor wanted to see me again. Since on average my medications could cost 800-1000 dollars per two prescriptions and my doctor cost 160 dollars for a half an hour I couldn't really afford the costs too much and forewent the doctors visit. I looked all over my house, looking in my room, my purse, in every room of the house for my missing pills they said I had filled the week prior. I couldn't find them anywhere, but I always kept them in the same spot. I was really, a creature of habit. I went a week without my meds. and at first was okay. But then I started to feel sad. I stopped taking care of myself. I became a recluse in my room. I went four days in my same clothes and didn't brush my hair, or shower or shave or anything. It was disgusting. Then it went on to the next week. I started to take medication that I stopped taking for various reasons or others to help curb the sadness. And I kept running out of other medications. I suffer from insomnia and I ran out of my sleeping pills. I take Atavan, doxepin, and geodon for sleeping. I ran out of those and had to resort to my old remeron which really didn't work and I wouldn't fall asleep until about 5a.m. and would sleep until 4p.m. During the day I would take fluxetine and lamictal which the lamictal was prescribed but the fluxetine was removed about a year before. I knew that they should've been thrown away but I had been grateful they'd been there as I was sure if I hadn't had them I would've had a psychotic breakdown. Although at the sametime I had been in jail once before for three days for a DUI for my medication, which is a joke. How can they say that if you take your meds. as you're supposed to and don't do drugs or alcohol, that you're medication can impair your driving when your medical doctor is the one who prescribes them. I am sure he would know if they would affect your driving and wouldn't prescribe them if you couldn't drive on them. What happened was I had dropped my cigarette in my lap and had tried to recover it while I was driving instead of pulling over to take over it. Anyways, they put me in jail and I couldn't pay to get out and they wouldn't give me my medication while I was in there under the guise that they were not to give me medication because it was the drugs that contributed to my condition of the DUI. Anyways, spending three days in there I had not had a psychotic break and they say even one day without your medication you can have a break like that. So I guess I have a strong enough disposition that I wouldn't have had one anyways, but after a week and a half I started having migraines and pain all over my body. Which I attributed to psychosomatic pains that were popping up because I take cymbalta. Cymbalta works to elevate norepinephrine as well as seratonine to ease the pain of depression as well as your sadness levels. But anyways, much to my surprise on Monday a week and a half after I was denied my medication, I started to have twitches, small at first, but then massive. I was laying in bed and these twitches swept over my whole body. overcoming me. I couldn't control my body, as the twitching and shaking got more severe. I was so afraid I was going to bite my tongue off. I know that mostly when you have a seizure you don't remember it afterwards, but I did remember this one. My head and my arms and legs all twitched uncontrollably, my back continued to arch, and when it was through, I found myself on the floor and the owner of a master headache. At first my body had tingles all over it like I had passed out and had just come back to life on the ground, but as I laid there I found I had control over my body more and more. And I felt that I could once again walk. I finally after a minute more got up and walked. And I immediately went into the den and told my grandmother what happened and had her call my doctor first to tell him what happened, which he said it did sound like a seizure, although a mild one, and then to call the pharmacy. Which it turns out that epilepsy and bipolar disorder are closely linked. Migraines, epilepsy, and bipolar disorder are all controlled by the same neural nexeses, so they put me back on the same meds. and my grandmother watched me like a hawk for 48 hours, as the doctor said that was how long it would take for the medication to be regulated back in my body. I didn't have another epileptic seizure and soon I was back to feeling like myself. Today I got up early in the morning after going to bed at a decent time last night and even got on the computer today. So I guess my little brush with the dark side is over. Which I am glad that all in all this is over. Oh btw- someone else filled my prescriptions that week, and they had called the wrong doctor, Dr. Park, not Dr. Pope... I wonder sometimes if things are always meant to be...

Rant and Rave about certain "men" on Myspace...names will be revealed...oh yes!

The following is a blog I posted on my profile after dealing with three particular men. I realize that this is my personal view on them and is totally from my point of view. But I had dealt with these three guys in a dating sense and was confounded and bamboozled by their rules of the game...You can find these "men" as friends still on my friends list, only because I want them to read the blog and taste the bitterness of my disappointment. Eddie-Jersey Longhair, Matt- Anything on a toothpick is free (anything :) ) which that name alone just begs for insults, and finally but not least on the list of the pissed is Oliver, whose profile makes him seem like some big time social hottie in Las Vegas when he's just a regular old nerd like me and just spent time friend requesting people to increase his list.

well it seems that yet again men think they are so superior in their own minds. I am sick of being a second rate citizen in the world of men. So I am calling some assholes on their "lame game" First is Jersey boy, who was pushing to practically move in with me and then suddenly disappeared....hmmm sounds like a game, and when I called him on it he got defensive and started talking about how he's playing the field right now.Whatever that's not what you said in the beginning!!Then there is the Poker Playa! Yeah he calls himself a player, but the game is really playing him. His insensitivity to problems outside his sphere of influence quickly made him an ex in my book. OH But you should read his profile!!! He acts like he is Joe Cool personified...yeah right, once you meet him you know he begs for sex!Oh and last but not least, is Toothpick boy. Anything on a toothpick, huh? Including your limp dick syndrome? I gave you something and you reacted just like all other men...I'll call you when I need to get laid.Men are so pathetic I only wish it was in me to go lesbian. I have yet to meet an attractive, intelligent, funny, down-to-Earth guy who just wants to be with me. What happened to all the heroes? The good men I remember my mom telling me there were a million in the sea of faces? I have learned that men are like parking places, all the good ones are taken and the rest are all handicapped.You! All you men of which my book is about(don't ask if you're scared of strong women) you disgust me! Thinking with the smallest brain in your body, you say you don't judge...but there you are with your labelmaker...ready to push me into a box, I did this so therefore I must be that. WHATEVER!!!To all you decent men that I have yet to even hear a whisper from...SUCK IT UP AND MAKE A MOVE!! I don't have patience to play little kid games. I thought at least since Jersey boy and Poker Playa were over the age of 35 they'd be mature! Boy was I wrong! When will I learn that God gave men IQ's slightly higher than a dogs, so they wouldn't hump a woman's leg at a party! And yet...yes THEY STILL DO!! Am I pissed, bitter, resentful?? Yes I am sick of being THAT girl to men. The one who went for what she wanted. And I am fully aware that as I write this I am too sticking men into a compartment. The idiots compartment. The little dick syndrome compartment, the fear of anything that could be real or permanent. So do me a favor, men, in the future when you're telling me that you want a serious relationship, looking to relocate to Vegas to leave Colorado, want a girl to settle with, or just looking for someone to share minds' with and have fun...DON'T PESTER ME!! Because all you really want is sex, and then a guilt free way of ditching the girl!FUCK YOU ALL- I'm sticking to my vibrator. At least then I won't get lied to after it makes me cum!

Random Thoughts on bipolar, Obama, and questions I pose to you...

I have to wonder how many people know a bipolar? I mean everytime I tell someone about my disorder they either say, "Oh I know someone who is bipolar their really no big deal" to that I always respond, that they are most likely not bipolar. The second response I get is, "OMG! You're bipolar I knew one who was CRA-ZY!" to that I always respond that they are probably unmedicated or even unaware of their problem. To say that I am not an emotional person, is a misread on my personality. Do I have my bipolar disorder under control? NO! But I try, everyday is a new struggle as I try to sort out my feelings before reacting. But enough about my disorder, I do want educate people on it but I feel there are other things I can talk about.
Like, Are we as a solar system rushing towards the center of the universe(if there is such a thing) or are we soaring fast away and outwards into the nothingness changing it into somethingness?
Also, I wonder, how many people voted for Obama based on the fact that he was the first black candidate and not on his issues. I went to the caucus to rally behind Obama and even volunteered on his campaign. I was in awe of the fact that we were changing history. But more importantly I respected his views on issues that I considered important. Like Ecology, equal marital rights for homosexuals, the right for a woman to have an abortion, and so on and so forth.
Also I wonder, if life is like a game of solitare...which card would you like to be? Personally I hate games so I would want to be a joker. The card tossed aside to be a watcher of the sport play out like a drama on the world.
I wonder, too why does the media take a story of moderate or even extreme importance, and then just beat it to death. I mean, by the time the Oj Simpson trial was finally over I was ready to turn away from the news media altogether. Now it seems they are focusing on a plane that was landed safely in the Hudson river and all passengers survived. I feel that is a great feat and compliment the pilot on his cool and stable demeanor that saved these people....but that was yesterday's news and yet, still on T.V. I see it Overwhelm every news show. Every station has a different guest with different views, eye witnesses, survivors, other pilots on to commend the man on his flight technique. I am ready now for the inauguration of Obama, but still I can't wait for it to be over, every news station has their countdown and an account of Obama's every little activity. Soon this will be over and then Superbowl will take center stage. I am excited because my underdog team that I have followed since I was ten(I am from Arizona and had season tickets) the Arizona Cardinals might actually have a chance to just even PLAY the Superbowl.
If they just get there, I will be speechless(yeah me without words) but if they win, then my whole year will be set for happiness. I will have reached my epitome of cheer and all else will seem inconsequential in comparison.
Now to you the reader, if you have actually taken the time to read this.
1. When you look at your ideals and morals, your spiritual incline and ask yourself this, are these your beliefs? or Ideas? The reason I ask is because I wonder how people can be so set in belief that they are willing to push their views onto others, to the point of discomfort. Ideas are always changing and growing with new knowledge that is gleaned from the universe. I have many ideas on Who, What, and Why of our existence but I think each person has their interpretation of what makes the universe spin.
2. What is clarification? The definition I know, but you can explain the exact same situation to two people and each will take away from it what they want. In that sense, can clarity ever be acheived?
3. Are your morals and values and (I shall call them ideas for the sake of argument) ideas of life based on what your parents taught you or have you gone out into the world and found something totally different than what your parents implanted in your brain?
Ponder these and get back to me on them. I am curious to learn others' advice and opinions. I chose the name Psyche because she is the Greek mythology Goddess of knowledge. and I want to learn, to absorb my life with thoughts, facts, impressions, and my perception of the reality at hand.

Hello to all, just got released from the hospital, and living life as a crazy person

Well this is my first attempt at blogging on a separate site from all my other creations. I am a writer and a budding artist who enjoys making art and writing about my emotional turmoil. After all the best art is created from that which you know. I'm 29, with a master's in Psychology but I haven't been practicing for a year now. My biggest problem with being a therapist was taking onto myself the problems of my clients. After worrying more about their lives than they did, I had a nervous breakdown and had to be admitted to a mental health facility. Which brings me to just this last weekend. I was diagnosed bipolar at nineteen and have been struggling with the disorder and my medications for the past ten years. I thought I had everything under control, until *gasp* I had another breakdown. This time however, when I went into the hospital, it was to find out that my psychiatrist wasn't paying attention to which meds might interract with each other. I found myself increasingly agitated and paranoid. When I went into the hospital, they ironed out my medication schedule and within two days my emotions ironed themself out. When I came back to the real world, I had found that two of my friends just didn't understand how you could be in the mental hospital and not be completely crazy. I lost those friends because of their bias, but I am used to that. I also found that the artists' site I belonged to and hosted a group on, had been hacked into and a girl that had stalked me for quite sometime managed to get me not only deleted from this site, but banned as well. So I've spent most of the day looking for sites that give feedback on writing and where they'll accept art of a so-so artist on the edge of beginning. Why did I decide to make my personal journal a blog online? Well I find that a lot of what I feel and go through so do others, and if I can help one person deal and learn to manage their mental illness, then my years of college and mastering the psychology science were not for naught. This is just my first post as I learn to become comfortable with the site and what I post. I guess this is all for now, as my day is over and I am dealing with a relatively calm day. As my rollercoaster of what I call babymama drama begins again(as it always does) I will have more and more interesting things to post and talk about.