God what an exhausting day. It just seemed that everyone that I trusted as a friend just no longer wanted to be around me. One of my friends and I used to talk everyday, texting all day, then talking on the phone for an hour everyday. THen all of a sudden it stopped. He said it was because there were things on his mind, but when I asked him to tell me, to explain he got real evasive and then snappy. And then today I mentioned it again, and he said he thought he was coming down with something. But later on I saw him log onto yahoo and then log off within a few minutes. Then twenty minutes later he logged on again, then logged off again. I don't think he actually logged off, I think he went invisible to get away from me. And another person I talked to who was always online now is never online. Am I really that horrible of a person to be around? I know I can be obnoxious, and I am pushy. I try to solve people's problems too, maybe they don't want me to do that. But it's a survival mechanism, I guess. God I am so depressed. I've always forced myself to look inside and recognize my faults. But now I just realized that my faults are just so bad SO OVERWHELMING that People just don't want to be around me!!! I am really an unlikable person. I help people as much as I can, I always try to be nice, and then I get used or they just disappear. Maybe this is why I try to be so helpful...to make up for my lousy personality. I've never hated myself so much as I do right now. GAWD, now I'm pitying myself. AND I HATE PITY!!!
This is why I'm a loner, I have no friends in my real life. I just sit at home all day online. Begging for attention. I'm too depressed to go on...
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